Senin, 22 Desember 2008

Dum Spiro Spero

Have you ever been so lost in darkness, that your sightseeing is only as far as one meter radiance?  Or for worse, you can't see nothing at all except your fingers up closed to your eyes. That's how I see my path sometime. Confused by so many options, preferences, obligatory deals. And when I feel depressed, I tend to visit dreamland more often than my dream card suggests. My pillow is more appealing than reality. I read once that it's a sign of stress, despair and the psychology manifestation of  avoiding reality. And do you want to know what kind of recurrent dream is on my top list of box office dreaming? Jumping high from roof to roof, like a Gin Kang master in kungfu film. Odd? Funny? No, believe me, it's again just another symptom of how I want to flee from my burden. However, there is one thing that extracts me back to real life, that is hope. People may say I wish too much, but it is hope that keep me alive. There is no too much in dreaming, hoping. Maybe someday I could really fly from roof to roof  :p . Hope is a beautiful garnish on my spirit. Like they say in Latin, "dum spiro spero", while I breathe I hope.


Go a distance and you'll see
This old scent savors the best in life
Like a shadow yet shines on you
when all the friendly lights are gone
Cherish your hope







Sabtu, 22 November 2008

A Little Treat of Pessimism

I've already heard about the coffee wise story. You know, about how we should live this world. A coffee bean when boiled would not crush so easily, instead, it would make a big change to the water, the water would smell good, smell of a coffee. The thing is we should make a difference that effects to our surroundings. 


Well that's another story. Not so long ago, I find another wise way to live. Living is like steaming the rice on the stove. At first, set a big fire to soften the rice until the water ceasing then set a small fire to cook it well to the end of the process. That's how we get a nice steaming rice. When our age is on the starting point, we have to whip ourselves hard, setting our effort on fire. But when the days are half way our age, give it a break, slow our pace and start to think it over, count our blessing and our deeds, to reach within our soul. 

Wow, that's deep. Which ever way of this life might go, maybe to me life is playing my kite, soaring to the blue blue sky. I can play hard but also smooth, surrendering to where the wind goes. And when the kite's thread is snapped, the only way is the ground. Then I fly another. Hehehehe, I wish it could be that simple, but it is actually simple if we want it that way. Frankly, this day I am still plundering my time thinking over and over all the virtue stories and hesitating to grab my own way. It's a long and winding road, and I'm still lingering on this cross road. 


Here I am, standing all alone
On the barren land, on this cross road
The sun's on my head, the wind's playing with my hair
They cannot heal my solitude 

Straight is my brain, stiff is my bone
On this ragged heart, I quote
Why do I let myself living in despair
I never believe that life is so rude

I even wrote this to life
Dear life,
Would you let me be your master

So, here I am again, standing all alone
Within dry air and quench killer
Yet, I linger


**
***





Senin, 17 November 2008

Pebbles

You are walking down the road, then suddenly some pebbles get into your shoes. Small maybe, but it's so uncomfortable to keep going to your destination without getting rid of the pebbles first. That's how sometimes we are distracted from our goals in life. Small pebbles are things such as killer teacher, school bullies, disloyal friends, tough neighborhood or broken family perhaps. But, hey ...If I look back now, I would say "It's a pity that I wasted my time grudging about those no need much worry pebbles and failed my destiny."

It's too late anyway, to rerun that episode of my life. At least now I understand and hopefully I would not have to take unnecessary turns anytime I encounter those small obstacles. 

Pebbles pebbles on the way
Don't you hustle into my way
This time I will survive
To make my life a big happy surprise 

**
***

Sabtu, 15 November 2008


I
t's a big day today. I made a pot luck date with some friends from high school years. It's amazing to see them again after years. I can see that there are changes but still I feel their used to be scent. It's always a warming surrounding being with the people from your past, don't you think so? A glimpse of memory, a touch of familiarity..... blending so sweet. Well, I assume they all agree that I am the one with the big changes. Hmm... I'm not so surprised when one of them greet me with, "Hey, you look different!" It's not the first time I hear this quotation from my long-time-no-see friends. Makes me wonder, am I really  a big difference now, what did make me change radically? I haven't asked for others opinion but me myself would say that my life is so full of ups and downs, so many dark alleys yet so much luck for me to be grateful for. People changes hopefully for the better, but still the inner you would never cease. The essence that you were born with. All life changes would only be a beautiful garnish featuring our soul. Well, it's just a thought. Thank you for today, my friends ^_^


Friends are like stars, sometimes you can't see them but you always know that they are there in the sky 

Kamis, 13 November 2008

A Journey

Writing is a journey to search within our soul. This sentence actually frightens me because it means that what we write would reveal the truth of what lies beneath this earthly being. What if I find myself shallow, unworthy at all. What if I'm lacking in virtues and full of craps (sorry). Still, I will write anyway. That's for my self-expression, soothing this lone heart and hoping for a feedback either positive or negative. I'm open arms though I must admit a critic would end up with a frown at my brow, thinking why ..o why ... I'm not much as a socialite here where I live. I rarely find anybody here who suits my appetite in talking. Call me picky or unfriendly but I couldn't stand wearing faces when I have to deal with so-not-me people. But somehow, I need to talk, I long to babble like this. So, I choose to write with this simple language of mine. Mind my english will you. I hope there's somebody out there would enjoy reading this manifestation of my ego. 


My o my what a soul to seek
Can't you see that mind is full of tricks
The road is winding and the hills are steep
Must keep striving before I sleep

Confidence

A three year old girl rode on a picnic with her daddy. Along the way, the car passed a goat, and she loudly and cheerfully said, "It's a doooooooog ....! ". Her daddy laughed, "Are you sure, dear? Actually it's a goat". Not loosing her confidence then she shout again when passing a cow, "It's a goooooooooat...........!" 


How wonderful, the little one takes courage in expressing herself. She's not afraid of making mistakes. Often, we easily give up when things are not the way we want it. Our mistakes are shameful burden on the face. Why is that? It's a mistake, yes, and surely we should learn our lesson from it. Would it be helpful to regret things we've done wrong? Absolutely not. People live to fall and get up again. The good things would not represent the virtue if there are no bad things to compare. 
Keep a child's faith to step on the daily challenge. 

The only time you mustn't fall is the last time you try 

Selasa, 11 November 2008

Foolishly In Love

The world turns me into nothing so called pure
A mere blow of lips promise barely kept
I don't know where this road takes me but I try to be sure
That I'm heading towards you with my own little step 

Romance is just splash spot on a dim corner of love in a room called sacrifice 
When the fancy of lights offer you overwhelming paradise 
The carousel has long stopped, still my mind's on rounding rapid 
Standing is the least I would do at this phase of a stupid 

Kissing on a top of a mountain is just fantasy 
Of both being foolish together
Sober would not come to you until it's over
Yeah you would notice it when heart shrinks to wee

So, just live light our while-it-last love days 
Who says that it's shameful being a fool
Never in love they are I must say
So, babe, let's swim our way together in this heart filled pool 

**
***

When Love Meets Ego 

What would it be, when mind goes numb 
The beating heart races velocity 
My love is nothing but a dumb
Triggers passion towards cruelty 

I know it's wrong
to let this one goes so strong
what can i say 
This ego insists to stay

**
***

An Ode For A Shattered Heart

See the bubbles floating wiggling through the naughty breeze
how fun how light how teasing 
elude me on this humble earth
stranded on the brisk of the green green grass

What a delight surroundings I could not help my heart appease
cheerie laughter birds chirping 
o so please seize me in this mirth
grounded until my soul go blast

You may say my head's gone into a twist
To lay here while you are leaving
It seems to you this heart not hurt
Don't you grasp your words of thrust

Desert me here in my mind's seeking for peace
Resite no more of this worldly foolish joy dreaming
Let me relish solemn pieces of a heart's dirt
In this nature bear me forget the past

**
***

A Night At A Snowy Lake

I stoop by the lake
even in this late
I am still awake

Love is not easy to make
To nowhere it will take
If I give my heart's fake

O dear wind and snow flake
why does my heart break
Until now it still ache 

**
***

Jumat, 07 November 2008

Persistence

The notorious Bali bombers, what about them. It was "a green mile" time for the mass killer, guilty as charged. The count down, most people would consider it as a depressing moment in facing death sentence. But not for the true believer of the so called religion knights, they looked light-hearted if cheerful sounded too awkward. The image of heaven and the pretty angels waiting probably was the only thing they tried to focus on. Well, maybe they are now enjoying their moment there .... or not .... we never know.


Silly? For some maybe; but, against all odds, I admire their strong will in comprehending, persisting and living their dream. How many of us put together the pieces of our days, constructing the pathway of our kind of life. Me, myself, is way ahead of my juvenile years yet my faith is still a baby I guess. I wonder what Luthfiana Ulfa's thinking when she agreed to be the wife of her-father-age man. A destiny, a devotion, a surrender, a serendipity, or just teenage blunt way of surrealism. Anyway, maybe it's about dedication, willingness, strong faith and living this world in the way we think is right. 

Everything in this universe could be right in a way. Perspective is the answer. What matters is to grow the best way of thinking, set a good mind and walk the most dignity. Still, it's not ourself to judge, but the eyes of this queer world.


Life for some is a pot luck
Waiting for something to come up
Might be good, might be something I love
Might be bad, might be something I hate

Yet, there are masterminds of life
Shaping, molding, creating their own path
It must be good, own way
It could be bad, own mess