A Little Treat of Pessimism

I've already heard about the coffee wise story. You know, about how we should live this world. A coffee bean when boiled would not crush so easily, instead, it would make a big change to the water, the water would smell good, smell of a coffee. The thing is we should make a difference that effects to our surroundings. 

Well that's another story. Not so long ago, I find another wise way to live. Living is like steaming the rice on the stove. At first, set a big fire to soften the rice until the water ceasing then set a small fire to cook it well to the end of the process. That's how we get a nice steaming rice. When our age is on the starting point, we have to whip ourselves hard, setting our effort on fire. But when the days are half way our age, give it a break, slow our pace and start to think it over, count our blessing and our deeds, to reach within our soul. 

Wow, that's deep. Which ever way of this life might go, maybe to me life is playing my kite, soaring to the blue blue sky. I can play hard but also smooth, surrendering to where the wind goes. And when the kite's thread is snapped, the only way is the ground. Then I fly another. Hehehehe, I wish it could be that simple, but it is actually simple if we want it that way. Frankly, this day I am still plundering my time thinking over and over all the virtue stories and hesitating to grab my own way. It's a long and winding road, and I'm still lingering on this cross road. 

Here I am, standing all alone

On the barren land, on this cross road

The sun's on my head, the wind's playing with my hair

They cannot heal my solitude 

Straight is my brain, stiff is my bone

On this ragged heart, I quote

Why do I let myself living in despair

I never believe that life is so rude

I even wrote this to life

Dear life,

Would you let me be your master

So, here I am again, standing all alone

Within dry air and quench killer

Yet, I linger

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Pebbles

You are walking down the road, then suddenly some pebbles get into your shoes. Small maybe, but it's so uncomfortable to keep going to your destination without getting rid of the pebbles first. That's how sometimes we are distracted from our goals in life. Small pebbles are things such as killer teacher, school bullies, disloyal friends, tough neighborhood or broken family perhaps. But, hey ...If I look back now, I would say "It's a pity that I wasted my time grudging about those no need much worry pebbles and failed my destiny."

It's too late anyway, to rerun that episode of my life. At least now I understand and hopefully I would not have to take unnecessary turns anytime I encounter those small obstacles. 

Pebbles pebbles on the way

Don't you hustle into my way

This time I will survive

To make my life a big happy surprise 

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It's a big day today. I made a pot luck date with some friends from high school years. It's amazing to see them again after years. I can see that there are changes but still I feel their used to be scent. It's always a warming surrounding being with the people from your past, don't you think so? A glimpse of memory, a touch of familiarity..... blending so sweet. Well, I assume they all agree that I am the one with the big changes. Hmm... I'm not so surprised when one of them greet me with, "Hey, you look different!" It's not the first time I hear this quotation from my long-time-no-see friends. Makes me wonder, am I really  a big difference now, what did make me change radically? I haven't asked for others opinion but me myself would say that my life is so full of ups and downs, so many dark alleys yet so much luck for me to be grateful for. People changes hopefully for the better, but still the inner you would never cease. The essence that you were born with. All life changes would only be a beautiful garnish featuring our soul. Well, it's just a thought. Thank you for today, my friends ^_^

Friends are like stars, sometimes you can't see them but you always know that they are there in the sky 

A Journey

Writing is a journey to search within our soul. This sentence actually frightens me because it means that what we write would reveal the truth of what lies beneath this earthly being. What if I find myself shallow, unworthy at all. What if I'm lacking in virtues and full of craps (sorry). Still, I will write anyway. That's for my self-expression, soothing this lone heart and hoping for a feedback either positive or negative. I'm open arms though I must admit a critic would end up with a frown at my brow, thinking why ..o why ... I'm not much as a socialite here where I live. I rarely find anybody here who suits my appetite in talking. Call me picky or unfriendly but I couldn't stand wearing faces when I have to deal with so-not-me people. But somehow, I need to talk, I long to babble like this. So, I choose to write with this simple language of mine. Mind my english will you. I hope there's somebody out there would enjoy reading this manifestation of my ego. 

My o my what a soul to seek

Can't you see that mind is full of tricks

The road is winding and the hills are steep

Must keep striving before I sleep

Confidence

A three year old girl rode on a picnic with her daddy. Along the way, the car passed a goat, and she loudly and cheerfully said, "It's a doooooooog ....! ". Her daddy laughed, "Are you sure, dear? Actually it's a goat". Not loosing her confidence then she shout again when passing a cow, "It's a goooooooooat...........!" 

How wonderful, the little one takes courage in expressing herself. She's not afraid of making mistakes. Often, we easily give up when things are not the way we want it. Our mistakes are shameful burden on the face. Why is that? It's a mistake, yes, and surely we should learn our lesson from it. Would it be helpful to regret things we've done wrong? Absolutely not. People live to fall and get up again. The good things would not represent the virtue if there are no bad things to compare. 

Keep a child's faith to step on the daily challenge. 

The only time you mustn't fall is the last time you try 

Foolishly In Love

The world turns me into nothing so called pure

A mere blow of lips promise barely kept

I don't know where this road takes me but I try to be sure

That I'm heading towards you with my own little step 

Romance is just splash spot on a dim corner of love in a room called sacrifice 

When the fancy of lights offer you overwhelming paradise 

The carousel has long stopped, still my mind's on rounding rapid 

Standing is the least I would do at this phase of a stupid 

Kissing on a top of a mountain is just fantasy 

Of both being foolish together

Sober would not come to you until it's over

Yeah you would notice it when heart shrinks to wee

So, just live light our while-it-last love days 

Who says that it's shameful being a fool

Never in love they are I must say

So, babe, let's swim our way together in this heart filled pool 

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When Love Meets Ego 

What would it be, when mind goes numb 

The beating heart races velocity 

My love is nothing but a dumb

Triggers passion towards cruelty 

I know it's wrong

to let this one goes so strong

what can i say 

This ego insists to stay

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An Ode For A Shattered Heart

See the bubbles floating wiggling through the naughty breeze

how fun how light how teasing 

elude me on this humble earth

stranded on the brisk of the green green grass

What a delight surroundings I could not help my heart appease

cheerie laughter birds chirping 

o so please seize me in this mirth

grounded until my soul go blast

You may say my head's gone into a twist

To lay here while you are leaving

It seems to you this heart not hurt

Don't you grasp your words of thrust

Desert me here in my mind's seeking for peace

Resite no more of this worldly foolish joy dreaming

Let me relish solemn pieces of a heart's dirt

In this nature bear me forget the past

**

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A Night At A Snowy Lake

I stoop by the lake

even in this late

I am still awake

Love is not easy to make

To nowhere it will take

If I give my heart's fake

O dear wind and snow flake

why does my heart break

Until now it still ache 

**

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Persistence

The notorious Bali bombers, what about them. It was "a green mile" time for the mass killer, guilty as charged. The count down, most people would consider it as a depressing moment in facing death sentence. But not for the true believer of the so called religion knights, they looked light-hearted if cheerful sounded too awkward. The image of heaven and the pretty angels waiting probably was the only thing they tried to focus on. Well, maybe they are now enjoying their moment there .... or not .... we never know.

Silly? For some maybe; but, against all odds, I admire their strong will in comprehending, persisting and living their dream. How many of us put together the pieces of our days, constructing the pathway of our kind of life. Me, myself, is way ahead of my juvenile years yet my faith is still a baby I guess. I wonder what Luthfiana Ulfa's thinking when she agreed to be the wife of her-father-age man. A destiny, a devotion, a surrender, a serendipity, or just teenage blunt way of surrealism. Anyway, maybe it's about dedication, willingness, strong faith and living this world in the way we think is right. 

Everything in this universe could be right in a way. Perspective is the answer. What matters is to grow the best way of thinking, set a good mind and walk the most dignity. Still, it's not ourself to judge, but the eyes of this queer world.

Life for some is a pot luck

Waiting for something to come up

Might be good, might be something I love

Might be bad, might be something I hate

Yet, there are masterminds of life

Shaping, molding, creating their own path

It must be good, own way

It could be bad, own mess